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Shyne
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PostSubject: My Little Secret...   July 1st 2011, 8:22 pm

Well guys... there's something I haven't told you guys about myself. Before I was into the Sims I was an avid writer... Fantasy is my genre. I have written a novel, pretty much nearly finished, but it needs so much work and it was written when I was young. So it is not as mature as I would like it to be.
So last night I wrote the Prelude. It's... rough. Written in 5 mins. But my house mate liked it so I thought I'd share it... it may inspire me to finish this thing Smile

ANY feedback is welcome. You can pick at it as much as you like - it will help me. If you don't get it, please tell me. Because this is the part of the book that explains what's happened to Lethis. If I need to go into more detail, I will. If I've left just enough mystery, that's good Smile

So here is my rough Prelude. Please advise Smile




Her skin was icy cold, wet beneath her back and thighs. She shifted her head to the side. Pain shot through her temple and she whimpered. A chill wind swept over her naked body and she began to tremble. She could hardly move. She began to weep. She still felt the phantom form of the blade in her right hand. What had she done?
“It’s alright,” said a voice. A large hand came down to rest upon her belly. Her entire body was suddenly warm. The hand burned her. It was not unpleasant.
She slowly opened her eyes. Looking down upon her was a man’s face, one which she remembered from very long ago.
“You... you are the mind reader from Gatthikka’s army...” she rasped. Was that really her voice?
He removed his cloak and placed it over her where she lay in the mud. “My name is Byre’kaal. And I am now the God of Fire. Do you remember? Lethis?”
“I am the Goddess of Innocence.”
“You were.” His expression darkened. “You fell.”
She tried to sit up. Her whole body ached. She had not felt pain since she had become a Goddess. Slowly, she began to realise what she had done. She had stabbed another Goddess and fallen from the Heavens for her crimes. But Byre’kaal... God of Fire... what was he doing here?
He shoved his hands beneath her thighs and upper back and stood up with her in his arms. She wrapped her icy hands around his neck and felt his skin smouldering beneath her touch. “You are so hot...”
“In more ways than one,” he replied, smirking. “And you, my dear, are of rare beauty. Don’t worry, Lethis. Everything will be alright.”
“Where are we?” She turned her head and looked around the muddy land. There was nothing here. Just mud and chill winds and silence.
“This is what became of the Field. Where once we fought each other in our Gods’ names.”
“It’s... there’s nothing.” She held on tightly as he began to walk. His boots sank deep into the mud. He kept walking, slowly but surely. His strength impressed her. Her head was spinning and her muscles on fire, but she could still admire him in all his physical glory. Byre’kaal had never chosen to Ascend into the Heavens. He had chosen to stay upon the Earth and rule in human form as a God. His power paled in comparison to that of an Ascended God, but he still held power beyond the imagination of a mortal man. He was immortal. He was the God of Fire.
“This is what became of this place. There is nothing left but the earth. It rains here sometimes. Nothing will grow. It is where the others will Fall.”
“You...” she looked into his bright orange eyes. They almost glowed. “You believe that others will Fall?”
He stopped. He set her down and wrapped the cloak around her properly. He looked her dead in the eyes. It took all her will power to not look away.
“They will all Fall, my dear,” he said. “And when they do... I will rule.”
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   July 2nd 2011, 1:49 am

Wow.... Shyne.... You HAVE to complete this! I am a huge huge HUGE reader. Fantasy novels being my favorite. I was totally immersed...And I got kinda upset when I scrolled and nothing else was there to read. If you ever published this book in the near future.. I would SO buy it. applaud
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Shyne
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   July 2nd 2011, 8:02 am

Thanks Jali Smile It's very short... not much of an intro for you guys lol I was more hoping to find out if I've still got it. Well... looks like I do... I'll certainly post up more as I write.
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   July 2nd 2011, 4:19 pm

I love it, I sure would like to see moar !! hiho

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Shyne
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   July 2nd 2011, 8:01 pm

Oh good Smile Thank you <3
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JaLiBo
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   July 3rd 2011, 12:15 am

YES! More more MOREE! happy *NEW*
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   July 3rd 2011, 8:05 pm

I'm kind of like JaLiBo...I was looking for more, made a hot cup of tea and settled into it. Wonderfully written and descriptive! I like writing also! Keep it up...it's caught my attention! hiho

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   July 4th 2011, 7:35 am

Mary, that was FANTASTIC!! I can't wait for more. So up my alley, I love it! hiho
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"Well," the lady said, "now you have to get them out."

PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   July 14th 2011, 4:30 pm

yes shyne i love it. i too am an avid reader and i love to write... i'm finishing my book as well ..lol though its more of a urban novel ...figures ....but yes i was hoping for more ...im intrigued
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Kamikinz
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Comments: So a lady goes into a dentists office, gets on a chair and spreads her legs far apart.

The doctor is shocked to see this so he says: "Excuse me, miss, you must have the wrong place, this is a dentist's office."

The lady answers back: "Well, didn't you put my husband's dentures in last week?" the lady says.

The doctor nodded.

"Well," the lady said, "now you have to get them out."

PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   July 14th 2011, 4:31 pm

yes shyne i love it. i too am an avid reader and i love to write... i'm finishing my book as well ..lol though its more of a urban novel ...figures ....but yes i was hoping for more ...im intrigued
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   November 21st 2011, 8:15 pm

I found only one thing wrong with this Shyne....

There wasn't anymore to read! Big smile It was fantastic! Please do post more...or I might have to hunt you down and strap you to a chair and make you continue...not really lol but...yeah...
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   November 21st 2011, 11:56 pm

I know NY...I'm still waiting for more of this fab story. It's like only seeing the first 20 minutes of a movie that you KNOW is going to be good and losing the freaking DVD!!! Lol!! Mary!!!!!!! dancing

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Shyne
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   November 22nd 2011, 12:05 am

I posted Chapter 1... you want Chapter 2? ;) hahaha
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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   August 10th 2012, 4:57 pm

I'm yanking this out of the archives, because I would love to read Chapter 2. You have an amazing talent for storytelling, Shyne, and, in my opinion, you should continue with this. In other words, what happens next?? Big smile

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PostSubject: Re: My Little Secret...   August 10th 2012, 5:36 pm

yeahthat

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